Finding a little EXTRA strength these days…

My Grandma was one hell of a lady.  She was a pillar of strength.  She was a warrior.  She had an unwavering faith.  She was wise.  She was prayerful.  She was a fighter.  She was stubborn.  She was beautiful.  She was strong.  She was one of my heroes.

Remember this post  I wrote during her last few days on this earth?

So, who do I turn to for help lately?   My grandma.  (Besides all of my earthly friends and family)

Grandma’s favorite color was bright green.   So, as I sat at the nail salon trying to choose a color for my nails, I decided to channel my grandma’s strength!  I chose GREEN!  So, when I need a little extra something, I just glance down at my hands, remember Grandma, and keep on keeping on.

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I miss you Grams, but I know you are with me every step of the way lately!  I love you!

Melissa

 

The Perfect Day

The highlights of my day today…

6:45 AM.  Kirby wants me to draw his family on the bathroom mirror.  (Note to readers, I love Expo markers in the bathroom!  Every night when I am brushing my teeth and 5,000 thoughts are running through my mind, I grab a marker and write what I need to remember for tomorrow right on the bathroom mirror. So, he learned this from me. True confession.)

I draw his family on the mirror.   I label the figures as Mommy and Daddy.   Kirby is upset because Daddy’s name not start with a “D” it’s a “K!”  Smart kid.  So, I  label his family.   Then I drew a great big heart around it and asked him what that meant.  He nailed it in all of his 3.5 years.  “That’s ‘cuz we love each ot’er and we are a family.”  Made. My. Day.

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Fast forward to tonight.  I was planning on making tacos, but then our awesome Schwan’s man came and I couldn’t fit all of teh food in my freezer.  So, we changed plans and had the really yummy Ancient Grain Encrusted Cod Filets.  To. Die. For!  Seriously, if you have yourself a Schwan’s man (or woman) order these!   Click here!

After our scrumptious dinner, the boys started watching the “funny video show” (AKA America’s Funniest Videos).  Keith and I stopped doing dishes and piled on the couch…soon the boys were all sitting on us, around us, etc.  The whole family…on the couch…laughing so hard at the “funny video show!”   Totally melted me heart.

Best day ever…in a long time!

So, as Keith reads to Punky, here I sit at the computer.  After Punky goes to bed, Keith and I will finish the dishes.   So. Worth. It.

Good night!

Melissa

 

 

the little things

so today was a tough day…not sure why.  probably the stress of this crap, added to the miscarriage anniversary, added to the upcoming anniversaries, added to life, added to my thoughts, anyway, it all added up to me just being super chill today, and that was okay.

this weekend was filled with such highs… such awesome time spent one on one with each of my kids… but unfortunately no quiet time with Hubby.  we played musical beds a few times this weekend.  you know the drill….one gets up ’cause he can’t sleep; one gets up  ’cause there are shadows on the wall; etc.   i ended up on the couch… but my super nice hubby let me then sleep in both days once everyone was up, i crawled back into our bed and slept….hard!  (Thanks again, hubby!)

on saturday, hubby brought punky to see Star Wars again.  kirby and i hit up “‘Donald’s,” his favorite place.  we also had lots of silly play and conversations.  it was so sweet to spend time with him alone.   he certainly has a lot to say and lots of cool thoughts going on in that head of his.  my favorites from that day was his bath time; his falling asleep clutching his bunny rabbit after our “date,”

on sunday, i had the privilege of hearing one of our former pastor’s preach, and it was awesome.  it’s like she wrote the sermon just for me.  after church, punky and i were able to spend some time together seeing God’s Not Dead 2… i did blog about that and his amazing interest and questions in faith.  he amazes me everyday…just when i think i have him figured out, he asks another random question out of nowhere.  “mom, what’s your favorite bible verse?”  “mom, what do you think God meant by…” he’s such a thinker…

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while punky and i were at the movie, hubby and kirby decided to try flying a kite.  hubby took this cute little video of him trying to fly the kite he got in his easter basket. so sweet.

i’m telling you…these boys are my truly blessings.  they teach me more and more about life than the adults i am around.

love you guys!

Mama

 

 

 

 

God’s Not Dead

Words have been whirring around in my head.  Some of them positive, but really, very few of them.

Do you ever just stop, look around you, and see answers to many of your questions?

The past few months have been like that to me.

Busyness.  Rushing. Frantic routines. Quick decisions. Rushing kids.  Anxiousness.  Fear.  Distrust. Hurt. Personal. Cowardliness. Craziness.  Exhaustion. Master.  Pawn.  Reality.  Hate.  Love.  Blessings.  Boys.  Hubby.  Family. Friends. Laughter. Traditions.  Simplicity.  Anticipation. Relief.  Peace.

Those words describe life here as of late when it comes to me.  Quite a spectrum, eh?

The signs I have been given these past few weeks are amazing.  Talk of God.   God’s plan.   God’s love.   God’s gifts.  God. God. God.

And…in those moments, I find an inner peace.  A quiet.  A calm.

Then, the words questioning my worth, my existence, my life as I know it, and the harmful horrible things that come to mind lately scare me.  The scary things one comes up with to try to rationalize the crappiness that goes around her are insane.  So, from here on out, I will limit the self-deprecating talk. I have done nothing wrong.  I am in control of me.   I will not be controlled by what others do to me.  I will continue to find the little whispers of hope; the promises of God; and the silver lining in what seems to be a very dark, ugly, and extremely personal cloud.

I know I am good.   I will not let the actions of others continue to drag me down.   God has a plan.   God loves me, and most of all, this may be the biggest blessing in disguise.  As, with all this thinking, I have come to notice the little things more.  I have been able to take a step back and view the behaviors and decisions of others.  I have been able to thank God that I don’t treat people in that manner.  I have been able to see more of the “game” and take myself away from it.   It has made me show others more of how much I appreciate them.   I have become more rooted in my family, my boys, my hubby, my friends, and the beautiful life around me.

I sat and listened to 2 sermons over the past 2 Sundays.  Both about the busyness and rush of life and how we try to balance it all.  Today, I heard about how God measures us – very unlike how people measure us and we measure ourselves.  Punky and I went to go to the movie, God’s Not Dead 2, today.   He has been anticipating the release of this movie for months.  Sitting there next to my son during the movie and the deep conversations that have come from that boy as of late are just examples of that inner peace I have found. Away from the crap.  Away from the disgust.  Away from the distrust.  Away from the stress.  Away from the fake.  Away from the hypocrisy. Away from the politics.  Away from the ick.

Here’s to 49 more days of school… and then the beautiful summer that lies waiting for me to spend time with my boys.

 

 

Yep. Still hate this day.

April 1, 2008, we lost our baby #2 pregnancy.  Worst. April. Fools’. Joke. Ever.  There is still just a funk that hangs over me on this day.  My brain still thinks a lot this day on what might  have been.   God has reasons for things, and I can respect that, but that doesn’t take away the hurt.  Even 8 years later.

My good friend Rachel gave me a CD with this song on it a few weeks later.  Takes a few times to get through it with a box of Kleenex, but now, every time I hear it I find comfort in the fact that our family has our very own little guardian angel up there looking out for us.  Punky is convinced that baby was a girl.  Maybe.  We won’t know until we meet her.  Until then, I will continue to count my blessings I have right here on Earth with me.  Punky and Kirby, and Hubby, of course.  Here’s the song… grab some Kleenex, but it’s totally worth giving it a listen!

Glory Baby by Watermark.   <—–Click on this to hear the song.

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

Gave extra hugs and kisses to Punky and Kirby today.   I thank God for them every single day.

Good night!

Melissa

Peace.

When you quiet down the noise in your life, you can hear the whispers of God.  He fills you with peace as life happens around you.  In that quiet whisper, you learn so much about yourself and about others.

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Pay attention to the whole picture.   Watch for details.  Keep quieting the noise. Slow down. Stay slowed down. Find the peace. Slow down again. Keep listening to the whispers. Keep the noise quieted.  This is nice.  You. can. do. this.

Can you hear that?

Ahhhhhhh.

Peace.  Calm. Wholeness.  Happiness.  This. is. nice.

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I so love my boys.  As a middle school special education teacher, let me say that again. I. Love. My. Boys.  I don’t think I was cut out for the drama of girls.  Although, I know I will miss my boys when they grow up and meet their spouses.  I still love my boys.

IMG_4805Today, Kirby came running inside and handed me a robotic claw plumb full of pinecones.  “I picked these just for you, Mama!”

My heart melted.

Tonight we were watching America’s Funniest Videos.   Punky grabbed my hand and started petting it.  He said, “You skin is always so soft!”  Then by the next commercial break, I got a random, “I love you, Mom!”

My heart melted.

Kirby also snuggled up next to me on the couch and started kissing me.  Lots of kisses.   He said, “I lub you, Mommy!”

My heart melted.

I know they will keep growing faster than I want them to grow.  I know I will always be here for them.   I know they love  me.   They know I love them… “to the moon and back” as Kirby always specifies.

My heart melts every day because of these two little boys.  IMG_4791IMG_4800

I am so incredibly blessed.

Good night!

Melissa

P.S.   Craziness!  Wordpress just notified me that this is my 1,100th post!   WOW!  I wish I blogged more often.  Let’s see if I can work on that one…  I did make a few changes to my blog this weekend.  Name Change. Pics on sidebar, etc.  Just trying to get ready to document our lives better!  I need reminders when I go scrapbooking once a year! Goodnight! Be sure to  leave a comment if you are visiting here tonight!