I let it all out tonight, and you know who helped me through my sadness, worry, and tears? My 8 year old. He never fails.
My grandma has a brain tumor. She has undergone many tests to make sure that is the only one in her body. It is. So, tomorrow morning, she undergoes a biopsy on that tumor. Brain surgery. There is a small chance she will lose her language skills. When Punky overheard me say that to someone, he wanted numbers. My mathematician. I said 2 % chance. Seemed like a number that would leave my little worrier alone.
Grandma has been in and out of the hospital and care center for almost 2 weeks now. We call her every few nights to chat. She loves talking with Punky. They have a super special bond over the Chicago Cubs and baseball. Makes my heart smile as I had that with my Grandpa, her husband. Punky has written a poem for her. During hospital stays, we send her e-greetings that the staff print out and deliver to her room. Punky loves Grandma Smart. (Remember why he calls her Grandma Smart? If not, refresh your memory here.)
So, tonight, after I chatted with Grandma for awhile, Punky wanted to talk to her. Man, how she perked up as they talked about the Cubs and Baseball. Then, Punky wished her luck tomorrow. He assured her that her surgery would go well. She told him to sleep with the special Cubs blanket she gave him last fall… just to think of her and send up more prayers. She told him that she loved him. He replied, “No, Grandma Smart, I love you more.”
He passed the phone to me and I was soon flooded with so many what ifs…..
What if this was the last time we heard her voice…
What if this is the last time Punky talks with her… will he remember her? I should have grabbed my cell and recorded their sweet conversation…
What if she can’t talk when this is over?
What if….what if…what if…..
I quickly pushed those thoughts away as I then had my turn back on the phone. Grandma assured me all would go well tomorrow. She kept saying she was very at peace with everything. She said that she had “angels” who would be holding her hand during surgery. I’m sure it will be grandpa, Uncle Matt, and maybe some of her siblings, like Aunt Margie.
Grandma had to hurry off the phone as the nurses were there to help her take a bath. I quickly said good bye and told her I loved her. She told me how proud she was of me and my family. She said she can’t wait until we are there in May to visit. She said she loved me more… and we hung up.
And the tears flooded. Those what-ifs came barreling back to my brain. I sat at the kitchen table silently sobbing. Punky heard me from the living room and came and gave me a hug. He whispered in my ear, “Ninety-eight percent Mama. Ninety-eight percent…” As I tried to collect myself to get his dessert, he added , “Mama, that means only 2 things could go wrong and 98 will go right! She’ll be ok!”
Thanks, buddy. I love you!
Dear blog readers, please send prayers to Grandma tonight and tomorrow…